What to do when one of you is not in the mood
Sex is the most intimate thing in our lives. It’s a way for us to connect with our partner and show them how much we love and care about them. When trying for baby, something meant to be fun, pleasurable and enjoyable can become pressurising and sexual difficulties can develop.
The low sex drive
It's a common problem, particularly for women. Women's sexual desire can be affected by many factors, from stress to depression to being tired. The good news is that there are steps you can take to help reignite your partner's interest in sex. Here are some suggestions:
- Have your partner go through their day with you and help them identify times they feel stressed or depressed so you can address those issues together.
- Talk about how much sleep the two of you are getting, and make sure it's enough for both of you! Lack of sleep can cause fatigue which often leads to a decrease in sexual desire.
- If you're experiencing low libido, talk with your partner about it. Help each other understand what's going on so that you can support each other and find solutions together.
Trying for a baby can feel like task or chore
Staying in the mood during a time when your body is changing, you don't feel like yourself, and there's so much else going on isn't always easy. If you're trying to conceive, it can feel like a chore or task that interrupts your regular sex life.
You don't have to wait for the right moment if both of you just aren't feeling it. You know each other well enough to know what gets each other going and what doesn't. Making time for each other is worth any effort involved!
Pressure to perform
Whether you are the man or woman, it is important to know that your partner may feel pressured to perform when it comes to conception. They may worry about whether they can maintain an erection, or if the timing of their orgasm will be right for conception. They may also feel pressure to do a good job so that their partner doesn't feel like they aren't doing their part in conceiving a child.
All of these concerns can add up and increase stress on both parties, which might lead to less frequent sex overall. If this happens, then it's easy for one bad experience with performance anxiety to snowball into a downward spiral of events where both partners start doubting themselves or each other — and then find themselves avoiding sexual contact altogether out of fear or resentment.
The best way out of this situation is by talking about what's going on in the bedroom — before any problems arise! The more open and honest you are about your needs and desires (both physical and emotional), the better equipped you'll be at overcoming any challenges together as a couple.
Need to do at a specific time
If you're trying to get pregnant and want to schedule your sex around ovulation, it will help both partners understand what's going on—and why they may not be getting into the mood. In this case, having a sense of purpose can be helpful for both men and women.
You should never blame yourself if either one of you has trouble becoming aroused during scheduled sex sessions! Scheduled intercourse doesn't always work out perfectly every time -- and learning how best fits into your lives is just part of being human beings together in this big world :)
Talking to your partner about your desire
If you're finding it challenging to express your desire, or if you feel embarrassed to do so, it's important to keep in mind that this is a regular part of any long-term relationship. Sexuality changes over time and drops out as other priorities come into play.
The best solution is clear communication between partners on how they each feel about this issue: saying what we want rather than just assuming our partners will know what it is we need (and giving ourselves permission not just for ourselves but also for our partners). Then once we've talked openly about our desires, we should try resetting expectations so that everyone knows what's realistic given each individual circumstance.
Things you both can do even if one of you is not in the mood
Foreplay and novelty - Foreplay is the most important part of any sexual encounter. This can be even more true if one or both partners are not in the mood for sex. It's a good idea to keep things interesting by changing up your routine and being open-minded about what you might do differently this time around.
Use fertility- friendly lubricant - If you're trying to get pregnant, using lubricants that contain spermicide (like Astroglide) or nonoxynol-9 may prevent pregnancy by blocking the path between ejaculate and egg (the vagina). Look specifically for lubricants labelled fertility lubricant.
Sex buckle list - Come up with a sex bucket list and go about fulfilling it together! This may seem daunting at first but once you get into it, it'll be fun! Plus who knows? There might be something new on there that gets both of your gears turning again.
Laugh about it - Develop a shared sense of humour One way couples can ease tension before getting down is through laughter; laughter helps relax both mind and body; research shows that laughing reduces stress levels which puts us both in better moods overall.
Focus on your joint intention to co-create a life
The relationship is more important than getting upset. Try focusing on the positive. You can get through this together if you are committed to working it out and having a loving, open relationship with each other. Focusing on the future can help you get through anything that is causing stress or pain in the moment - because once it's over, there will be another tomorrow and another day after that where things may go better!
In my experience as a Sexologist, I have noticed that many people are not in the mood for sex because they feel like they need more attention or affection from their partners before they get intimate with them. This can lead to frustration for both parties if one person feels like the other doesn't care about them enough. It is important that both partners feel loved, cared for and respected when it comes time for them to engage in sexual activity together!
If you can find a way to have fun and enjoy each other’s company sexually even when one of you is not in the mood, it will make things much easier. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that sex is supposed to be this perfect thing that happens at all times on command. The truth is, though: there are plenty of ways to have great sex without being turned on 100% of the time (and sometimes it might not even matter). So just relax and roll with whatever comes your way!
If these suggestions don’t work then maybe it's time to get some help from someone like a therapist who can assist you guys on resolving this issue together.